how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
