I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
