Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
