I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
