Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
