before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
