I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
