Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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