Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
