So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
