Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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