Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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