i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
