office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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