I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
