I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
