bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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