Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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