i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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