Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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