Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
