remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
