how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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