We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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