so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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