so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
