you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
