I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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