Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
