He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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