So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
