When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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