I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize