i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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