Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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