"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
