Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
