Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
