you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
