you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
