No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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