my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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