i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
