guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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