Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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