i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Houston, we have a blender
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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