You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
