it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He better not be in your backpack
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
