she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
