Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
