shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
