just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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