I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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