honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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