who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
