Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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