Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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