Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
