so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
