I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
