Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
