We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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