he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
