let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
