Do vagina's smell?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
