i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
