She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
