you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
