I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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