Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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