That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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