dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
