I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
