i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
