Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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